Carlos Xuma – Power Social Skills
Carlos Xuma – Power Social Skills
Archive : Carlos Xuma – Power Social Skills
CARLOS XUMA’S DESK
The one skill that they don’t teach you about in school is also the one that will either make you a great success in life, or struggle like crazy to realize your dreams… and you might never reach them.
I’m going to tell you all about this skill in a second, but first let me ask you a couple questions:
Have you ever been in a social situation where you just knew someone was messing with you, but you didn’t know what to do about it?
Have you ever had someone in your family that just knew exactly how to put you on the spot – and they’d leave you with that shaky, angry feeling because you knew you’d been made a fool out of?
Have you ever known a person who could just predict everything you were going to say, and leave you with no ammo at all, and you felt like you were totally manipulated? And FRUSTRATED?
Did you ever suspect there are unwritten “rules” to socializing that you just don’t “get”? That if you just knew the “rules” that these people are using for their games, you could at least be on a level playing field?
Do you ever feel like you’ve missed opportunities with somebody – maybe a romantic interest – because you don’t have the right skills to respond correctly and make the interaction “count” for more?
Do you often feel like you’re missing a depth and a level of relationship connection that you want to achieve because you don’t understand how to get past your partner’s games?
Now, on the other hand, have you ever been with someone who:
- Could de-fuse any confrontation and make friends in the process?
- Could spot when they were being played or manipulated – and somehow turn it back around on the other person?
- Always knew the right thing to say to put someone in their place?
- Knew how to read a social situation in just a few seconds and “feel out” everyone in the group?
“Everyone Was Playing Me!
And Playing Social Games With Me…”
The experience felt so awful at the time, and the people seemed so difficult, mostly because I didn’t know how to handle it when people played social games with me. The party probably wasn’t as bad as I remember it, but my social skills were.
And I’ve still found people like this lurking almost everywhere in my life. At work, at the bars and clubs, at parties and social gatherings… even at family gatherings.
You May Have
Felt This Way Before…
Maybe you’ve experienced something like my bad “party experience,” or even situations like this:
- – You go to a car dealership to shop around and you don’t want to buy anything, but after several hours you find yourself driving home in a new car that you had no intention of buying. But he made it sound so good, and you got a SWEET deal… How did you fall for that…?
- – You’re in a meeting with a co-worker, and she starts to undermine your abilities and performance in the meeting, but you can’t figure out how she’s doing it because she’s not directlyinsulting you. What kind of Game is she playing…?
- – You’re hanging out with your friends and someone makes a sly comment about you, and they all chuckle. You go along with it because you don’t want to look like you’re “uptight” or “un-cool.” But somewhere deep inside, you know you were just put-down… Do you know how to deal with it…?
- – You’re at a family get-together, having dinner together, and your mother starts bugging you about your job, and starting to manipulate you with guilt and fear. As usual, you end up angry and blow up, and eventually you tell her to mind her own business. You end up looking like the jerk, but it was the wayshe did it that pushed your buttons… How do you stop this from happening…?
- – You’re out with a friend, and you see a couple of women you want to go talk to. Finally your friend drags you over and you start talking with them. The longer you talk, though, the more your friend seems to be the one getting the attention, and you start getting more and more quiet… How can you stop feeling socially awkward and stay in the conversation…?
But This Is The
REALLY Scary Part…
The games other people play with us are NOTHING compared to the games we play on ourselves.
You see, there’s two kinds of games going on out there – the games we play with other people, and the ones we play in our own heads.
You want an example of one that every guy can relate to?
You’re talking with a woman at a bar, and the conversation is going well. She obviously needs to leave, and you know it’s time to go for the close. So you ask her:
“Hey, can I have your phone number to talk with you again? Maybe go out for a bite sometime?”
She tells you she’s not home that much or she would give it to you. “But give me your phone number and I’ll call you,” she says. You give her your number, even though you know at the back of your head that won’t hear from her. You know – deep in your gut – that you needed to just push a little more for her number so that you could make that second meeting happen.
But you gave in and wussed out.
This is a classic game that a lot of guys play inside their own heads where they will settle for giving their own phone number on the wishful thinking that they impressed her so much that she’ll “definitely call!”
Even though we know that only 1 in 50 women ever will. (Probably much fewer…)
It’s a way for us to let ourselves down easy, and not risk coming away with nothing at all for the time we spent talking to her. After all, there’s still a chance she’ll call… isn’t there?
The skill of knowing how to handle your own internal games is something called “intra-personal skills,” and it’s something I will touch on again in a minute…
“Read My Lips –
No More Games…!”
I’m sick of all the games.
I bet you are, too, aren’t you? And you’re absolutely right to be sick of them.
There’s something else I want you to know that is VERY important…
How you handle the social games people play will determine:
How much money you will make at your job…
The quality of person you date … and wind up marrying…
How much fun you have when you go out with friends…
The depth and intimacy you have in your relationships – with your family, your friends, and your lover…
Your overall level of happiness, security, and confidence that you experience every day…
Does that sound serious to you?
It should, because in nearly EVERY study performed on the happiest, the most successful, the most fulfilled people in the world, they all came back with the same finding, time after time after time.
Your level of:
*Quality of Life*
and how attractive you are
to the opposite sex
is DIRECTLY related to
how strong your social skills are…
This has nothing to do with genetics, intelligence, or the forces that you might think of as being “out of your control…”
It really has nothing to do with upbringing or social status, either…
In nearly every person with any great level of success and fulfillment in their lives, the only thing that mattered was how well they managed the other people in their lives.
I was blown away when I discovered that, and it really changed the way I looked at the world. For years I had believed that there were certain people who were just luckier than others, or just had the gift of “people skills…”
I thought that was why some guys just got more women than others, and why some women are more successful with men. They must be smarter or better looking, and that’s why they got more dates than me.
I just accepted this belief that these people had something “special” – a natural talent that I didn’t have.
Every time I saw my friends being more successful with socializing, being more popular with other people – and the more that I didn’t make friends, or attract women, or make connections – the more I reinforced that false belief.
What I didn’t realize was that I was creating this flawed foundation upon which my entire social life – and even my dating life – was being built. It was shaky and unsteady, and it couldn’t possibly help me get the kind of lifestyle I wanted to live.